oh my god. she’s gorgeous. and then there’s nathan over here doing something weird and cute with his lip.
thattt^^
and theres Gibby looking like hes going to throw up all over the gorgeous Sam 0.o
More to My Story
Why I’m so afraid of rejection.
Okay, so if you read the Author notes on my story Pig (fanfic) then chances are, you know that I don’t have much confidence when it comes to guys.
I honestly don’t expect a guy to like me. Of course I would love to have a boyfriend but I truly just don’t see it happening. Plain. Simple.
This might boil down to a few things.
One, is that a few years ago…(I’m going into grade 9 at the moment and this was in grade 5) I really liked this kid in my class. His name was Trevor and I was head over heels for him. He was perfect to me. He was the funniest person I knew, he was adorable and I just really liked him.
Of course this crush was only secret until grade 6 when my friend said it infront of the whole class. I was so emmbarassed I wanted to die! I think he forgot about that for a while and soon I hung out with him more and more.
I sat beside him in class for a while and we talked quite a bit. I asked him out a few times. The first 2-3 he said no but very nicely and then he started to say maybe.
I was so excited that maybe for once a guy liked me. Of course that school year ended and in grade 7 we drifted apart and didn’t speak the entire year.
There was a reason. My ‘friend’ whom I HATE, told him I stalked him and was creepy. She was mad at me at that time. She fed him all sorts of lies and she is a really good lier so he believed her.
It hurt me that he believed her but I went on with life. Then, he got facebook and I added him. We talked alot on facebook and I started liking him again. I asked him out and he said no. I really thought he liked me but I guess not…
At hat point I knew I should get over him and started liking another guy. The same ‘friend’ told him I liked him and his exact response was ‘Ew, hell no! She’s fat and ugly. I would never date her!’.
Everyone heard about it and asked me if it was true. I felt like crying and I think I did when I got home from school.
So, that’s when I started pushing away any feelings I’ve had for guys. After being so harshly rejected I just…gave up.
All I wanted was for a guy to think I’m pretty but… I guess it’s not going to happen. I’ve come to terms now that guys just don’t like me and I’m okay with that I guess.
I pretend to be happy when my best friend dates my latest crush and I smile and joke when they are together but it hurts…
I feel like love isn’t for me. I feel like I’m ment to stand by and watch everyone I know, date and re-date people while no one sends a second look my way.
Maybe that’s another reason I have so many body issues… Because I know that I’m honestly just not pretty enough. It’s the cold hard truth and I’ve come to terms with it.
Thanks for reading this if you made it to the end. I know it’s long and probably boring but it’s really emotional for me. I feel so deeply about this kind of thing…
-Mekayla
My Story (Somewhat)
Hey, its mekayla. I haven’t blogged in a while but I’ve been thinking through things lately…
Some people have said that I have been ‘faking a eating disorder’ because I am able to talk about it to the people online.
First of all, I never once claimed to have a ED. Never. And personally I don’t think I have one. I’m a 13 year old girl (almost 14 in 2 months) and yeah. I do have body problems. I might not eat as much as I should but it doesn’t mean I have a ED.
Secondly; people with ED’s usually don’t like to talk about them. I know that. But, in some cases it helps take things off their chest to tell people online that they don’t know.
For me, to talk about my problems online is ALOT easier than talking to someone I know because my relationship with them is much more valuable. People online offer helpful suggestions and advice. People you know will only tell you that you are ‘perfect just the way you are’ and usually cant tell you the truth because they will feel bad if you take it the wrong way.
Thirdly; why on earth would I want to fake an ED? I have NO reason at all to. To gain attention? No. I don’t want attention. But apparently that’s what you get it you share your thoughts online. And it’s not good attention or intended attention. When I first started writing to you guys how I felt, I never thought that I would get called fake. Because I’m not.
I’m a real person with feelings and a heart. It hurts when people say stuff like that to me.
Next I would like to say, you don’t know me, so why do you hate me?
People online have no idea what my life is like. Weather it’s good or bad, you have no clue.
I would like to say that right now I am under a lot of stress. There are the normal 13 year old girls stressfull things, like going into highschool and not knowing what to expect and boys and drama.
But, unfortunatly a few years ago I was diagnosed with juvinialle arthiritis. Please don’t say that it’s ‘impossible’ because only old people get it because it is not true.
It means something is wrong with my blood cells that makes my
Joints swollen. At one point I was walking home from school with tears in my eyes trying not to cry from the pain because I didn’t want people to know. It hurt SO badly.
I couldn’t write with a pencil and I couldn’t participate in gym for a while. I couldn’t take trips to the mall or walk to a friends house. It’s was horrible. I wasn’t able to just be a normal kid. I was constantly thinking “Did I take my medicine this morning?” and was always worrying.
Then, I started going to sick kids hospital and it started to get better. Now, you wouldn’t be able to tell by looking at me that I have anything out of the ordinary. I take anti-inflamation pills and a needle every week. Which is incredibly stressfull.
I feel sick after the needle to the point where I don’t want to stand up in fear of throwing up. I miss alot of school due to that and rumors are spread of the reason why. The story gets twisted and turned.
So with people spreading rumors about me, guys choosing my best friend over me all the time, and being surrounded by perfect people, it’s natural that I want to be better.
I feel like some sort of defect. Like a mess up, you know…when you buy something and the factory screws up and the sticker is upside down or something like that? Well, that’s how I feel.
Ever since I was little I’ve had little problems like chewing my nails and I had a few other problems that weren’t big. But after being diagnosed with arthiritis, I thought I was falling apart. Like something wad seriously wrong with me and it couldn’t be fixed.
Now, I’m taking most of my pent up feelings and taking it out on my body. I feel like if I’m skinny then maybe guys will like me, I will be more popular and stuff like that.
So, no. I’m not doing this to get attention. I’m doing it to clearthings up for all those people out there that feel the need to hate on people youdont know.
On countless occations I have cried myself to sleep because I feel like such a mess up, it’s a real thing. I’m not faking and I hope I cleared something up for you. Thanks for reading.
I’ll write another blog soon. Bye
i went on a photo rampage today because we got a new laptop and i was trying out the webcam. it works:P dont mind my messy room in the background:$
